I know it's still mid-summer and we have a few weeks left to go, but I am so rooting for fall. Mostly because fall equals THE best shopping season! (For me anyway.) At this point of the year, I am beyond sick of looking at flimsy, skimpy bits of fabric in colours that make me look like a corpse. The best part about this time of year though is that all the fall collections are slowly starting to creep into stores, allowing me to molest all the fantastically soft and fluffy sweaters and get first choice on the good stuff while everyone else is too busy combing the summer clearance racks. This week has been no exception, I am a shopping MACHINE!

I spent no less then FOUR HOURS in my favourite store yesterday which my mom was nice enough to drive me to Etobicoke for, since it doesn't exist in the downtown core anywhere. The sales girls were the absolute best ever, constantly bringing me new things to try just because they hadn't 'seen anyone wear it yet.' My new wardrobe now consists of: 2 pairs of dressy pants - 1 olive, 1 brown, 1 brown leather belt, 1 pair of brown suede ballet flats, 1 short sleeved brown blouse, 1 white pinstripe 3/4 length blouse, 1 teal satin blouse, 1 burgundy sleeveless top and 1 teal scarf. Also with a recommendation from D that we go back when his trip is over to see if the matching jacket to my pants 'is still there.' Spoiled rotten? Pffft.......no....

Something actually rotten: I've been craving a good turkey sandwich for just about forever now and bought some fresh rolls to make some the other day. Well I guess I waited a day too long because they were so stale I could barely cut through them. I thought about popping out to the store to get some more but then felt guilty when I realized I had half a batch of bread dough still sitting in my fridge. I decided to bake it all and have a sandwich on fresh delicious bread. Now to get a crispy crust you need steam, which you do by heating a pan in the oven and pouring water into alongside your bread. I have always used a 8x8 cake pan. For some reason, all I own at our new place is Pyrex dishes which I thought would work just as well. I don't know what provoked me to act so retardedly...I studied glassblowing for God's sake...but I poured water--hot water, mind you, I know way better then to use cold--into my 425F pan and low and behold it EXPLODED LIKE A BOMB.

Shit.

I managed to slam the door shut and shield my eyeballs from being sliced to ribbons but I am far too scared to go survey the damage to my oven and I am still sandwich-less as my dough is surely embedded with shrapnel. It is a sad day on the lunch front.

Labels: accidents, cooking, food, ridiculous

Step 1. Go to Lush and purchase a 'Christmas Carol' Bath Fizz.

Step 2. Wrap Bath Fizz and Give to Enemy Friend

Step 3. Laugh. Hysterically.

Why Step 3 you say? Because inside that smiling little fairy are 900 million specks of glitter that don't appear until it's too late. Glitter that gets into places on your body you didn't even know you had and leaves a sparkling ring around your tub. Glitter that refuses to come off. Ever.

Labels: anger, awesome, ridiculous

The convenience store below our building is pretty much the magical shop of everything that ever was. I don't think there is a time we've gone down there and didn't find exactly what we were looking for. Toothpicks? Yup. Shower curtain hooks? Yup. Toilet plungers? Yup.

A HACK SAW?

YUP!

No word of a lie. We bought this shower organizer thing at Canadian Tire a few days ago, now we should have taken the hint when every box on the shelf was taped up with packing tape--but we got it anyway--of course, it was way too big for our shower and the instructions said to 'Just cut the pipe' if your shower was shorter then 7' 8"

Yea, right, I'll just whip my scissors out and take care of that cos who the hell owns a pipe cutter???

Anyways, D got sick of looking at it in the hall and started doing all sorts of man things to it like hammering it with a screw driver and what not. None of which worked and all which made it completely non-returnable. We headed down to 'The Bee' to pick up some groceries for dinner and D asked them if they had a hacksaw. The owner felt around on top of a messy dusty shelf and voila! - pulled down a hacksaw (for only $5.99!)

Seriously! EVERYTHING! Except curtains, we still don't have those and it's weird. But our shower is organized! That problem should be solved tomorrow though, my mom is coming to visit and to take me to Ikea to get the 101 million things we forgot.

Labels: ridiculous

I know I'm going to wear this song out but I had to post this. So badly that I had to adjust my entire layout and make a new header so that it would fit.

It is probably the single most awesome thing I have ever seen in my life.

Labels: awesome, chromeo, music, ridiculous

Oh Lordy how I wish this was real. I seriously died when I saw the fish. Died.

Labels: awesome, ridiculous

What a horrendous ordeal. We had to kick through a wall and cut a giant hole in our deck to get the stupid water heater where it was supposed to go. And let me tell you, when you decide to commit to having lady-like lovely acrylic nails you should only participate in lady-like lovely things and not manual labour, ever. Specifically breaking drywall chunks in half with your bare hands because when you break a nail, which will most likely happen, it is nothing at all like 'Oh sugar, I need a nail file.' and exactly like 'Someone please shoot me dead before I barf everywhere from the pain!' Hard plastic glued to your human nail will just snap where ever the heck it feels like and take your real nail with it. Mine just so happened to crack straight across my nail bed resulting in a bloody mangled mess. I drove straight to the beauty salon and told them they needed to fix it before I puked from looking at it and then I made them wax my eyebrows to direct the pain elsewhere. Waxing your eyebrows for the record, takes a minimum of 3 hours to recover from where you are pasty skinned such as myself. Do not do it when you have places to go in an hour. Unless, of course, you like the weird oompa-loompa sunburn you get from having hot wax ripped off your face. I should have known better having waxed practically everything else I can get my hands on. I am a waxing freak, in case you wanted to know. I hear 'Waxing' and think 'Yay!' Nobody ever said I wasn't a total weirdo.

So after mangled fingers, crazy-brows, random holes all over my house and not being able to shower for four plus days I am finally cleeeeeeeeean!!!!! Squeaky fresh soapliciousily clean! So clean I am making up my own words! Hot water I love you!

Labels: gross, ridiculous

Our hot water heater is broken, which means no one can shower until tomorrow and not being able to shower only makes me need to shower more! Especially since I decided it was a good idea to douse myself in celebrity perfume at the drugstore earlier. Yuck!

But smelling bad doesn't matter when the mailman brings you lots of packages full of pretty things! I am actually writing this from beneath a mountain of bubble wrap. Bubble wrap and Pyrex! I really, really love Pyrex, especially when it comes in shades of turquoise and pink. Which I now own both of because I like to have my cake and eat it too. Life saving decision? Forget it. It would go like this:

"You need to decide between these pink or blue vintage bowls or you will DIE!"

"Blue! No Pink! No Blue! Pink? Blue? Pink is really cute but blue is really pretty. Do I want cute or do I want pretty? Can't I have cute and pretty? What if I pick one but then change my mind later? Then what do I do? You know what? I think I just pick both of them. Yea. Both. Both is good."

And then you would have to flip a coin and I would pick the opposite of what the coin decided. And then I would still want what I didn't end up with.

Labels: ridiculous

Burnalicious. Burntastic. Burnorific. These are all words you can use to describe the horrible searing pain that occurs when you accidentally flick toothpaste into your own eyeball, which is precisely what I did this morning. Normally, just keeping your eye closed when something like this happens helps it not to burn. This is not the case with toothpaste. You have exactly 0.5 seconds until your eyeball starts to melt out of your socket to get that shit washed out of there.

Lucky for me this happened approximately 30 seconds after I finished putting on my makeup this morning. Oh and did I mention I just switched to non-waterproof mascara? Life you are hilarious! Making me flick toothpaste into my eye after I just spent 20 minutes getting ready for work and exactly 5 minutes before I have to catch the bus when I am already running late! That was a good one!

Labels: NaBloPoMo, ridiculous

Oh man. Toronto was douchebaggery central this weekend!

First, I'm on a half empty bus with a seat to myself when some straggling chick picks me to sit next to. That's fine, until about an hour into the trip when she leans forward and starts PUKING all over herself. I look at her in absolute horror because I can not handle puke and I ask her if she's ok as I hand her one of those plastic garbage bags they have under the window because she is making NO EFFORT to go to the bathroom on the bus. She just replies 'I'm sick.' Then she wipes the puke off her hand with a single Kleenex, puts it in the bag I gave her and then throws the bag on my side of the floor. She then puts her sunglasses on and sits back LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED while everyone around her looks disgusted.

Second was Saturday night. We went to this club called Tattoo which was just ridiculously packed. It took almost 20 minutes to get a drink each time and this idiot girl came and sat next to us at our table while her friend danced in front of her with her ass 2 inches from our faces all night long. Then some random girl comes over and wraps herself around D and has her face in his ear. I am two seconds from ripping her head off with my bare hands but she leans over to me and says something that sounded like 'Blah Blah Boyfriend' and walks away. D had no idea what she even said to him, but she was lucky I was trapped by dancing girls ass because I would have had to lay the smack down! Sick of the non-stop hussies, we got out of there and went to a pub instead and that's where the real fun started.

We were sitting by the window and we see one of the mounted police outside on the street with someone pulled over. Backup cops come and open the door and pull out this guy out, who then starts puking all over himself. He's obviously completely drunk and we're all like 'Woo get him!' because drunk drivers are douchebags. It takes them almost 30 minutes to just arrest and handcuff this guy because every time they try to get him out of the car he flops on his knees with his head on the officers shoes and pukes. 6 cops, a tow truck, a cruiser and a court services van later they finally take him away but as they are writing up his tickets and whatnot this other moron decides to be funny and drag pylons and construction cylinders out on to the road to block the lanes with the cops RIGHT THERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET. And they don't see him do it! People who are driving see him do it, have to get out of their cars to move them out of the way and then he just goes and does it again. The cops don't care though, they just drive around them. Anyways, we're totally convinced there is a contest for biggest douchebag at this point of the night and decided to grab hot dogs before we go home. While waiting for hot dogs some guy comes up and randomly PUNCHES ANOTHER GUY IN THE FACE. For NO REASON. I know hot dogs are tasty and everything but Jesus, just wait your turn! You made me pour hot sauce all over my veggie dog instead of bbq and I almost died from the burning!

Labels: NaBloPoMo, ridiculous

Yup. No idea why we found it funny.

Labels: NaBloPoMo, ridiculous

Um, so I thought I would just get my Friday blog entry done since it is 5am and I have to get up for work in two and a half hours AND I AM ALREADY AWAKE! Why? You ask, because I had a bad dream that D told me he was getting another tattoo that 'went up to his jaw line' and I woke up wanting to barf. The End.

Now I am awake at 6am AND feeling barfy. Hooray!!!

I've already taken care of all my banking, was updated on my friends by Facebook, browsed new entries on Tastespotting, checked my site log and found out that someone stumbled my bread entry (Aww!), went and got a drink and dug sparkle eyeliner gunk out of my eye. Frankly, I'm all out of ideas. Anyone got any? No? Because you're all asleep? Why? BECAUSE IT'S 5AM!!!

I'm going back to bed.

Labels: NaBloPoMo, ridiculous